Four separate stories, four different lives in the wake of the perfect storm. The choices we make are building the new face of humanity. Each day we struggle to survive. No more news, no Hollywood and no political finger pointing. Now the lights are out, water stopped running, this is Our World
I can’t stop crying man… jesus christ… i almost lost him man… i almost fucking lost him. We were hunting for rabbits in the woods… i don’t know, i looked behind me and he was gone. i was screaming and hollering running around for what felt like hours… when i found him he was holding a dead squirrel, he had such a big smile on his face. oh christ man. so much went through my head at once, i could basically smell the blood again. i think it is time i talk about it… i think if i write it down i will feel better.
We had to leave the apartment a long time before that, Anna was pregnant at the time, Jamie was still alive… fuck this is so hard man… we had my bug out bag and some water, a tent, and some MRE’s… we made for the boons in Virginia, got a little camp together and got as comfortable as possible… you ever sleep with a pregnant woman… on the ground?
It wasn’t long after we made camp that Connor was born… I’m not a doctor, but i think i did ok… Anna might disagree. I managed to keep us fed for a few years, i had packed the car up with MRE’s and they lasted a few months along with game. I could hunt and trap a bit, we had water about a mile away… that was life for a couple of years… until one day… jesus save me… i came back from a water run and i saw some assholes in our camp and i heard her crying… i went primal and i killed one of them, the other one got away… there was so much blood man… it looked like Jamie put up a fight and… he… he was gone. Anna was hurt bad, and i held her hand as long as she stayed with me. Connor was still alive, his mom told him to run and hide and he came back a couple of hours later… I was covered in dirt and blood… i don’t think he understood what happened at all… i told him mommy and Jamie were in heaven now and they were sleeping in the ground next to the tent…
I can’t… I can’t write anymore
Well I haven’t put pen to paper in a few days. It was very important for me to reflect. The loss of any life no matter how deplorable the individual is something that should be pondered and pondered deeply. The shockwave of effect that my actions have created, the lives that I have touched with this simple action all things that need to be considered. Perhaps a small child will cry themselves to sleep for months because daddy is gone. Worse perhaps he dies. The bus driver may have been his only access to food and water. Maybe mother died sometime ago. A child alone in this world….
You can understand the importance of considering the effects of death. Especially one that I caused. The fact is in these trying times if we lose the value of human life and begin to throw it around as we had with everything before the bombs, well, lets just say we lose. We lose our humanity. It’s slowly disappearing each day but gets a much-needed boost when you see a lost little girl returned to her mothers camp instead of taken to the woods and raped. You know there is not much that separates us from opportunistic feeders. Much less when we aren’t being watched.
The bastard flew about 40 feet through the air when the plastique got charged. He tumbled back to earth like some sort of rag doll. I know we are all trying to scrape a living but this goes back to humanity. We just don’t need minds like these poisoning the pool. The bus was a ravaged burning mass. I loved it. I felt like even the bus needed to feel pain.
Now I have a choice. Do I wait for the consequence or be proactive and dig deeper into this cancerous growth exploiting the weak. What are the odds anyone could find me or find me out. How do you even discern one dirty, short-haired street rover from another. Good luck.
There are a handful of meeting places where I will find them. I have to keep the feelings of failure tucked away for now. To have my family out in this harsh world will eat me alive and I will need my focus today. To find them is not the true goal. To find them fast and before anyone else does, now that is what must happen. I am a good man to have looking for you. One of the best actually though there are predators in high numbers out there. Predators that wear incredible helpful smiles and may promise a warm place for your sick little girl.
I spent the night in the shelter ate as much as I could despite the panic and nausea. There are two guns missing which makes me feel much better. My wife can sling lead if it come to it. My daughter not as good a shot but hopefully it wont have to come to that. The hand radio is on the table. That is the most terrifying part. I know something happened that forced them to act quickly and move out.
The sun is far from up but I will leave in the cloak of darkness. There are just a few blocks between here and our first rendezvous point. Can’t write the location down incase someone finds this book. I wont lead trouble to my family. Though I can promise you this. I will find them, quickly.
Digging through my bag of miscellaneous winnings from the last fight I came across something. Something that I hadn’t seen in some time. Something that brought back memories so thick I could taste and smell them. Dios me encanta. A rosary. The power of the cross. Shame and guilt overwhelmed me not just for the deeds I had done but for having left him so far behind. As the world writhes in turmoil I turned my back on God when I should be turning to him. Asking for guidance.
Sure. So much of what I do is to survive. There are no leaders in this world and havent been in some time. We got away from God. Began to try and out think him, overcome him. Even worse deny him and erase him. You know, science couldn’t fit him in a beaker so they figured he couldn’t be real.
Now he is the only thing holding many of us together. So tempting to blame him in bad times but so rare that we thank him in good times.